Hardening
by Vampbarbie
Summary: It's hard for the people who get left behind. And that's what they become. Hard! Mal River. Post series, kind of overlap BDMish. Please read and review.
1. Fine!

I know a lot of people have been waiting for this and its finally been completed enough that i can post up the first 2 chpaters. This is Mal / River as requested by someone (sorry i lost your e-mail so i don't recall who it was!) Kind of a twisted post-series, almost BDM overlap strange kind of thing. Change of time frame indicated by bold headings.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Partially inspired by this quote from 'Doctor Who';

_"It's hard for the people who get left behind. And that's what they become. Hard!"

* * *

_

**Hardening **

**Chapter 1: Fine!**

**Seven Months Ago**

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Malcolm Reynolds has gone red in the face. "This is my boat you tāmāde húndàn!"

"Then we're off your boat!" Simon spits the words at the captain. "River get your things!"

"No way Doctor. You want off then you go. She stays."

"What?" Simon stares at Mal.

"She's crew. You don't wanna be, you know where the door is. Don't let it hit you in the pigu on the way out."

Simon looks over at River who is sat on the cargo bay stairs, hugging her knees to her chest and looking on the verge of tears. "Do you want to stay here?"

She nods. "Yes I do."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"You heard the girl. River is staying here." Mal is relishing being mean to the Doc.

River stands up, pulling herself up her full height. This is the hardest thing she has ever had to say. "Simon if you leave I'm staying with Captain Reynolds."

Simon stares at her open mouthed for a moment, then she sees the familiar guarded look come to his eyes, and he hides the hurt deep down inside. Like always. "Fine," he snaps at her, "I'll go get my things." With that he marches from the cargo bay.

River sits down heavily.

"Captain!" Kaylee cries running over to him, having watched the whole thing from one side. "You can't let him go!"

Mal looks at her. "He can do what he wants. Good riddance I'll say."

Kaylee glares at him and mutters something in Chinese under her breath.

"What was that Miss Frye?"

"Nothing Captain Reynolds," she says sarcastically. "I'm going to stop this."

* * *

"Simon!" Kaylee shouts after him. 

He stops in the middle of the town street and turns to look at her. He shifts the weight of his medical bag in one hand and the large duffel bag over his opposite shoulder. "What is it Kaylee?" he asks tiredly.

"Don't leave Simon," she says skidding to a stop in front of him.

"I am not going back Kaylee. I will not fly with that chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo."

Kaylee winces. "But River needs you."

Simon snorts. "I think she's made it perfectly obvious she doesn't."

"Don't say that. Other people need you onboard too."

"Really? Being there just to sew up the captain's bullet holes isn't particularly appealing."

"I ain't talkin' about bullet holes," Kaylee fixes him with a wide-eyed look. "I'm talkin' about me."

Simon blinks. "I…"

She cuts him off. "Who am I gonna sit up and talk to all night? Inara's leaving too." Kaylee pouts a little at him. "Who am I gonna test my cookie experiments on? And don't say Jayne because you know he don't taste them he swallows them so quick. And who is gonna burn himself on the engine housing because he was trying to help me?"

Simon shuffles his feet a little. "But Kaylee…"

"I'll deal with Reynolds," she says firmly surprising him a little. "Just come home Simon." She reaches out and takes his medical bag from his hand. "Please?"

"Alright," he says finally.

Kaylee grabs his hand with her free one and starts walking back towards Serenity. "Good."

As they turn into the port they hear a familiar rumble. A sound neither of them wants to be hearing right now. They stare skywards in horror at the ship heading for the clouds.

* * *

"You did what?" Inara pursues Mal along the catwalk. "You can't do that!" 

"I can't get caught in an Alliance invasion either Inara! There are more people on this ship to save too." He keeps walking

"But Mal this is Kaylee!"

"Don't you think I know that?" he whirls to face her. "Because I gorram well do. But right now I can't help her. And I'd be happy if you kept your opinions to yourself."

"You are a…a…"

"Keep your opinion of me quiet Inara," he snaps cutting her off. "You care about this crew so much then why am I dropping you off on the next planet huh? Your input here is done. The Alliance decided to invade that planet and I will not be their prisoner again Inara. I look out for me and mine. He wanted off the boat so be it. Just like you do."

"Kaylee didn't. You left her." Inara's voice is quiet.

Mal jabs his finger at her wordlessly, then he growls low in his throat, turns and walks away.

* * *

"The feds are looking for a dark haired single doctor right?" 

"Yeah," Simon says uneasily.

"Then let's change that shall we?" Kaylee holds up the bag of shopping she got on their way to her cousin's house. At least they have a safe house for the moment. She pulls out two cheap wedding rings and a packet of hair dye.

"You wanna be married to me?" she asks smiling weakly at him. "You can be Mr Simon Frye. They won't look for you then."

He reaches out and takes the packet of dye and studies the instructions. "Do you really see me as dark blond Kaylee?" he asks worriedly.

She tugs a lock of his hair. "Not really. Want help?"

He looks at her. "Do I look like the type of guy who uses hair dye?"

"Nope," she pulls him to his feet. "Let me lather you up Mr. Frye."

* * *

River creeps into the bridge where Mal sits staring at the stars. Serenity is on autopilot and Wash isn't talking to him. 

"You coming to tell me what you think of me to?" Mal asks tiredly.

River shakes her head and steps round in front of him. She swings one leg over his and straddles his lap facing him.

"Ai ya! What you doing?"

River rests her arms around his neck and looks at him expectantly.

"Gitoff!" he growls, trying to keep his gaze away from where her dress has ridden up her legs.

She shakes her head again. "You're broken too."

"No I ain't." Mal pushes at her arms.

River locks them so his pushing is futile.

"Yes. Yes you are. You're like me." She slides herself closer to his torso. "And you want me."

Mal's eyes go impossibly wide. "No. No I don't. River you're just a…"

"I'm not a child Malcolm. I'm eighteen years old. I know what I want."

She wiggles in his lap and Mal closes his eyes. Oh merciful Buddha. "River…" he says warningly.

"You've wanted since the day you met me. I can see your dreams. The ones where my long legs ain't just for dancing…"

Mal groans. He knows the dreams she speaks of. Ones he always wakes from feeling guilty as sin. He is going to Book's Special Hell. How come she knows all this?

"You saw me naked Captain. In my box. Thought I was some slave girl. Thought has crossed your mind since."

Mal opens his eyes and stares at her. "Off my lap River. Now!"

She arches her back to press herself against him. Mal groans inwardly, and grits his teeth. Then she stands, graceful as a cat, and smiles coquettishly at him. "I know you Captain," she actually purrs in his ear. "You're broken like me."

* * *

**The Present Day**

Simon grabs hold of the dark haired girl and whirls her to face him. "River!"

The girl glares at him. "What?"

"Nothing, sorry. I thought you were someone else." He steps away holding his hands up.

"Obviously," the girl says walking away.

Kaylee jogs to catch up with him and takes his hand. He shakes his head silently at her as they walk beneath the huge painted banner proudly proclaiming, "Unification Day Celebration, Town Square, Noon."

Not that they have a choice. Attendance is mandatory.

They cram into the crowded square with all the other people. The whole planet follows a strict moral code, meaning that women are pretty much second-class citizens. Kaylee had been furious when she found this out. They wanted to leave. They wanted to be anywhere else but here.

The square is crawling with Alliance soldiers in their purple trimmed uniforms. Simon keeps his head down.

* * *

River watches from her perch on a rooftop and her insides flip flop uncomfortably. Simon, her heart moans softly. 

"How's my girl?" Mal asks coming up beside her and running his hand up her back.

She looks at him sadly. "Simon, Kaylee."

His eyes widen. "Where?"

River gestures with her rifle at the crowd beneath the banners. Mal peers over the edge and scans the crowd. He catches sight of Kaylee with a man with dirty blond-brown hair who may be Simon, he can't really tell.

Mal swears. "Jayne?" he mutters,

His comm. buzzes static in his ear. "Yeah?"

"Little lost lambs coming up on your six."

"What?!"

"Watch them, don't make contact. We got a job to do."

Jayne growls in exasperation. "Ok."

Mal drops his hand from his comm. "You alright?" he asking as he looks at River.

She nods. "Yes Captain."

"That means no then," he says, caressing her hand in his.

She smiled weakly at him. "We'll deal with them later. We have a job to do."

"That we do," Mal says. He leans forward and gives her a quick kiss. "Watch my back darling."

He stands and jogs back across the rooftop to the fire escape they came up. River watches him go and returns her gaze to the packed street. She has lost sight of Simon and Kaylee.

* * *

"Welcome to the celebration of our glorious Unification Day!" boom the loudspeakers over their heads. "A day of celebration and thanksgiving throughout the universe." 

"Yeah right," Kaylee snaps out loud. "I never saw no one thankful for the Alliance back home." She just can't help herself.

Simon turns fearful eyes on her the exact same moment that an Alliance soldier looks round at her.

"Excuse me Miss but you are gravely mistaken," he says.

Kaylee laughs. "Yeah purple bellies like you always think that."

"I trust sir, that your wife will hold her tongue in future."

"Dang ran," Simon starts nervously but Kaylee butts in.

"Bù kê néng you hwoon dahn!"

The soldier slaps her round the face.

Kaylee looks up holding her cheek, her eyes swimming with tears.

Simon punches him. He doesn't think about what he is doing until his fist has connected with the soldier's chin.

"Simon!" Kaylee cries in despair, knowing what will happen now. And it does.

Three more soldiers, alerted by the ruckus, are moving through the crowd towards them. Simon looks round for an escape route but there is none. Before he can move, a boot has connected with the back of his knees and his legs buckle him to the ground. One soldier grabs him by the back of his hair. He hisses while the second soldier cuffs his hands behind his back.

Kaylee darts forwards, but another picks her bodily up while she struggles wildly.

"Now what have we here? A couple of traitors it seems? Independent sympathisers maybe?"

Simon glares daggers at the man talking. The crowd around them are watching nervously. Not wanting to draw attention and be next.

"Cells?" asks the third soldier. "Or is that too much paperwork today?"

One leers at Kaylee. "Take her to the cells. Might as well have a little fun if we got to work on U-Day."

"No!" Simon shouts. Kaylee is kicking and screaming. Simon looks at her a moment, then forces his aching legs to get him up. He shoulder barges the guard holding her. "Run!" he yells as the man momentarily lets her go.

Another vicious kick to the back of his legs sends him stumbling again. His knee hits the edge of a concrete kerb and he growls with pain. His vision goes black and white with stars as something hits him round the side of the head. He can hear screaming. "Kaylee…" he groans. "Run…"

When he manages to lift his head he can see Kaylee on her knees, one of her arms twisted painfully up her back. She is crying. Their eyes meet and Simon knows right now that this is the end.

"Kill him. Take her to the cells."

Simon hears the cocking of a gun next to his right temple. He keeps his eyes steady on Kaylee's and waits for the bang.


	2. Together

**Chapter 2: Together**

**Present Day**

Malcolm Reynolds strolls nonchalantly around the central branch of the First Trafalgar Alliance Bank and admires the décor.

"Anytime you fancy helping?" Zoë retorts, hauling a bag of used notes onto the back of the mule that is pulled up to the doors.

Mal just smiles at her and grabs a bag.

"We done?" Jayne's voice comes from outside the doors.

"Yeah," Mal says calmly, placing the last bag on the back. "Wash take her home. Zoë ride shotgun."

"Yes sir," she says, climbing on the back of the mule behind her husband.

Mal steps into the sunlight and looks to Jayne.

The mercenary nods at him. "Good plan Captain. Hitting the bank while they celebrate. Better than your normal U-Days plans."

"Hopefully a lot more profitable too," Mal says jogging down the steps, Jayne on his heels. "Although my normal plan is enjoyable too."

Jayne laughs as they start to move through the empty streets, skirting the busy central square.

That is when they hear the gunshot.

* * *

Simon winces as the spatter of hot blood hits his face. Then realises the shot wasn't at him, and the blood isn't his. He opens his eyes that have involuntarily closed and looks down at the dead man lying in front of him. He looks up to Kaylee. The soldier has dropped her arm and is staring off to his left. Kaylee is doing the same, her mouth hanging open. Simon looks round and stares.

The crowd has parted like the Red Sea of Book's bible stories of Earth-That-Was and strolling coolly down the centre of the people is his sister. She is wearing tight black trousers and a fitted black jacket, fastened with a double row of silver buttons. Black leather boots encase her legs to the knee and round her waist a dark red scarf is tied like a sash. She has a holster low on her right hip but the pistol is in her hand and over one shoulder a long rifle hangs by a strap. Her cheeks are flushed a delicate pink and her eyes are bright, and she has filled out somewhat, just enough to remove the hollows from her face. Her walk has become a swagger. Her walk has become the swagger of Mal and Zoë and Jayne.

Simon stares open mouthed at his sister. She looks like a different person.

"I want these two released at once," she says to one of the soldiers, raising her pistol and aiming it between the man's eyes. "I ain't kidding."

"River…?" Kaylee breathes softly.

River smiles but her eyes never leave her target. "Hey Kaylee," she says equally softly. "I said let them go."

The soldier takes a step back from Kaylee and holds his hands up. Kaylee gets slowly to her feet. The crowd are back away nervously.

"Now him," she gestures to the other soldier with her pistol. The man bends down and pulls Simon to his feel by the cuffs. Simon hisses softly. River cocks the pistol. "Now is that what I told you to do darlin'?"

The soldier undoes the cuffs and shoves Simon at River. "Have him."

"River," Simon steps forward as though to hug her then stops, unsure.

Two men come skidding through the crowd, guns drawn.

"Cap'n! Jayne!" Kaylee cries happily.

Mal looks to River first. "All sorted sweetheart?"

River nods, holsters her pistol, and smiles at him. "Yeah," she says softly. She looks at Simon. "Hello big brother."

The crowd around them mutter uneasily, eying Mal's coat. He glances around worriedly.

River narrows her eyes. "Jayne on your right behind you."

Jayne's fist connects with the man's face a moment later. "Thanks River."

"Left Jayne," she continues, as the crowd gets angrier. "Simon duck," she snaps taking a pot shot at someone over his head with her pistol. "Darling the man behind you."

Mal brings his elbow back into the man's stomach. Simon and Kaylee stare at River aghast, while she stands unafraid in the melee and directs it all.

**

* * *

Five Months Ago**

Simon opens his eyes and looks over at the still sleeping Kaylee, his breathing fast and his body damp with sweat. He blinks a few times and lets the image of the sleeping girl next to him soothe his shattered nerves. She wiggles in her sleep, and snuggled deeper into the pillow, her naked shoulder pushed up beside Simon's.

Of course they were having sex. It had been inevitable. Pretending to be married, sharing a double bed. But it all seemed like it was happening too quickly. They had gone into this plan out of sheer necessity for survival. They had an apartment, secured by Kaylee's cousins. But they had never once discussed what was to happen. Was he going to pretend to be Kaylee's husband forever? Did Kaylee even want to be married to him? Sex was one thing, even love, but marriage? Kaylee has never mentioned if she has doubts about this plan, and as much as Simon loves her, she is going into this rather naïvely. She seems content to let things take their course and Simon knows that route rarely runs smoothly. What if she meets someone else? Simon swallows the lump that comes to his throat. It's perfectly plausible. What will he do if he's alone here? He isn't sure that if they'd remained on the ship, that they would be doing this. Whether they would even have kissed is questionable. Why has he rushed into this with her now? Selfishness, he thinks to himself. I'm using her to make myself feel better.

Kaylee opens her eyes to find him staring at her.

"Good morning," she murmurs gently. "Penny for them?"

"Uh what? Oh, morning Kaylee."

She reaches out a hand and strokes the side of his face. "Thinking about River again?"

He shakes his head. "Had a nightmare."

"Oh Simon…River?"

He nods and bites his lip. "I was treating her. Doing surgery on her and then I couldn't remember what to do. When I looked down she just laughed at me."

He shudders and Kaylee grabs his hand.

"You'll be okay."

Simon just nods silently and wonders where his sister is.

* * *

"Captain?"

Mal wakes up with a start. "What? Who…oh River. What is it?"

"River had a bad dream," she says, standing in the middle of his bunk shivering in a thin nightdress.

"Ok." Mal leans up bare-chested, and looks at her. "Why ain't you askin' your bro…" Then he stops, realising what he was about to say.

She looks at him wide eyed.

"What's up?" Mal corrects.

River crosses her arms over her body. "River was back at that place. And they were doing things to her. Needles and poking and dream making. All these men stood round and touched her. When she looked up Simon was watching. And he let them hurt her. He let them do stuff to River." Her lower lip trembles. "He did nothing."

Mal looks at her sympathetically. "Firstly come here, you'll catch your death if you wandering about Serenity with no boots on in the middle of the night."

She walks over to the bunk and sits down beside Mal where he pats the mattress. He wraps a blanket around her shoulders and she pulls her ice cold feet up onto the bed and tucks them under Mal's thigh. He winces but tucks the blanket in tighter.

"Secondly," he continues, "what's with all the second person nonsense? Now I believe that you're a whole person. You're stronger than what happened to you but you think you aren't."

She stares at him. "River was…I was afraid."

Mal smiles at her. "It was just a dream River. You're not just a broken girl, you're a woman. You're a reader. You are more than you think you are."

"Can I stay with you?"

"I'm not sure that's…err…"

River has already lain down on the narrow bunk, pulling the blanket around herself.

"Like you say I'm a reader. You want me here."

Mal sighs. He doesn't fancy a night on the cold floor so her lies down beside her. River throws the blanket over him and pushes her icy feet between his.

"Oi," Mal says, "enough of that."

River giggles and snaps off the light.

"Anyway as I was saying. Thirdly River…"

She suddenly kisses him on the lips and Mal can't remember what his third point was.

* * *

**Present Day**

They stand round the cargo bay and stare at each other.

Simon stares at River. "What happened to you?"

"Your little sis is all grown up now," Jayne calls from the catwalk.

Simon throws him a sharp look. "That doesn't explain anything."

"Look," Mal starts.

Kaylee steps forward and slaps him round the face with as much strength as she can muster. "You left us you bastard!" she screams at him.

"Kaylee…" Mal protests.

"You left us in the middle of an Alliance invasion!"

"I'm sorry Kaylee. I had to keep River safe. This ship is wanted by the Alliance in just about every sector. Two people can disappear, Serenity can't in a dock."

Kaylee retreats back to Simon's side and takes his hand, glaring at the captain.

"What happened to my sister?" he asks.

"You ran out on a broken little girl doctor. We taught her how to take care of herself."

"You made her a killer!"

"No we didn't. They did." Mal's voice is sad as River sidles up beside him. "We did what we had to."

"You made her in your image, with your guns and your killing," Simon spits. "All of you made this innocent girl hard."

"Hey!" Wash exclaims indignantly. "I don't kill people!"

"Sorry Wash but she's a girl, she was a girl. When was the last time she dressed up like one? Danced? Styled her hair? Because all I see is a warrior that you made Captain."

Zoë looks at the floor.

Kaylee is squeezing his hand tighter and eying River nervously. This woman doesn't look like her friend anymore.

"Simon." River finally speaks up. "They didn't ruin me. I chose this."

Simon stares at her as she slips her hand into Mal's.

"I want this Simon. Mal didn't leave the two of you deliberately. He wanted me to be safe. He wanted all of us to be safe. How could he keep me safe in the middle of an invasion?"

But Simon's gaze has locked onto their hands. "River why are you…" he starts.

"I love him. He loves me. That's all you need to know."

Simon rounds on Mal again. "That's why you left us, so you could seduce my little sister?!"

"Seduce her?" Mal stares at him mouth open. "Hey she seduced me!"

"Really?" Simon sounds disbelieving. "That broken little girl just happened to seduce you one day?"

Mal's mouth has set into a hard line. "We can always leave you again."

"Captain please!" Kaylee pleads tearfully. "River…"

River's lower lip starts to wobble. "Don't leave them Mal. Please don't."

"Mei mei," Simon instinctively steps forwards to her. "Don't cry…"

Mal too has turned to her. "Bao bei don't. I'm sorry ok? I'm a mean old man, didn't mean to make you sad."

She smiles at him, biting her lip and Simon stops short. Mal strokes a tear off her cheek gently. She nods to him and steps away from Mal towards Simon.

"I know you're confused Simon. And I know that right now you want to punch Mal but please right now, just give me a hug."

Simon wraps his arms around River and hugs her tightly to his chest.

* * *

"What?" Mal says with his eyes shut.

River is staring at him, he can always tell. She shifts her weight on top of him.

"Are you going to make him leave?"

Mal opens his eyes. "What? No."

"What about Kaylee?"

"No!" he narrows his eyes slightly. "Why aren't you just reading this?"

"Not clear enough. You don't know what you're going to do, do you?"

He shakes his head. "No ruttin' idea."

River rests her hands on her hands, folded on his chest. Mal looks down at her awkwardly.

"Are you gonna try talking to him about us again?" she asks quietly.

Mal raises an eyebrow. "Man knows about a million ways to kill me. To be the guy who is involved with his precious mei mei is volunteerin' to be a guinea pig for any one of them."

"Is that a no?"

"Damn straight. Your brother is scary when he gets that look in his eye."

River nestles her face against his chest so she isn't looking at him. "You think he's right."

"What?"

"You think you broke me."

"No I don't…"

"I can hear it!" she says sharply. She jabs a finger against his chest. "In here."

He sighs slowly and doesn't answer her.

* * *

"Something you didn't tell us?"

"Huh?" Simon looks up from his bowl of rice at dinner that night while Mal gestures to his and Kaylee's hands. At their wedding rings. "Oh." He glances at Kaylee who has stiffened at his side. "Cover." Simon forces the ring over his knuckle and drops it onto the table.

"Yeah," Kaylee says thickly, "just cover." She slides her own ring off her hand and lays it down carefully next to her plate. "Guess we don't need 'em any…anymore."

River hears the catch in Kaylee's voice and glances at Mal. She knows he heard it too. Simon is pretending he didn't.

What happened to you Kaylee? River thinks sadly. It was my fault you got left. My fault this happened to you. I'm so sorry.

Mal notices her worried eyes and squeezes her hand under the table. A squeeze that says it will get better, it will.

Later River goes to find Kaylee who is sat in the engine room, an engine part on her lap.

"Kaylee?"

She looks up and smiles a little hesitantly. "Hey."

"Hey," River sits herself on the step. "I'm sorry Kaylee. We didn't mean to leave you. I am still the same River."

Kaylee stares intently at the part in her hands. "But you seem so different River. Striding about shooting people looking like some kind of revolutionary…"

"I know." River stares at the floor.

"And you're with the Captain…"

"Yes."

"But he is so much older than you River," Kaylee says warily.

"I know…but we fit you know? Like you and Simon do."

Kaylee sighs audibly. "Yeah we'll see. He's more caught up in being angry at Mal."

"What? But I thought you were…I read that!"

"We did, we were…. we didn't plan anything River. It just happened. I don't know where it's going…it might just be sex for all I know."

River drops gracefully beside Kaylee and hugs her. "He loves you. I can tell."

Kaylee sighs again. "Simon won't forgive Mal for this you know?"

"Yes he will," she says tapping the side of her head. "In here, he thinks it's all wrong, but here," she lowers her hand to her chest, "here he knows that he loves me and he'd want me to be happy."

"Go to him," Kaylee gives the younger girl a little push on the arm. "Go make up with your stupid brother."


	3. Home

**I apologise profously for such a huge massive ginormous delay in this last chapter. I wasn't able to upload it due to the fault something or other, then this weekend I was at Collectormania in Milton Keynes meeting Tony Head and James Masters (swoon).**

**Thanks for the reviews. I hope you enjoy! I know its short but it kinda came to a natural ending.

* * *

Chapter 3: Home**

River taps on the infirmary door before poking her head round it. "Simon?"

He looks up at her. "River."

She steps into the room and slides the door shut behind her. "I missed you."

This isn't what he was expecting at all. "Sorry?"

"I missed you. I missed Kaylee." She can feel her eyes starting to well up. "I missed Inara when she left. You should have heard her yell at Mal when he left you. I still want to be a girl. I still want to be your sister. If you'll let me…"

"River…"

She cuts him off with a wave of her hand. "Let me finish please. I want to be your mei mei but I ain't the same girl that you left. I love him Simon and nothing you say will change that. You wanted me to get better. Well I did. I did and I made a grown up decision. Simon please let me make that decision and stand by it. I tried everything. Learning to look after myself helped me Simon. It helped make me better. I know you think I'm not feminine enough, that I became hard like they are. I can hear you thinking it. But they would do anything for me."

Simon looks at the floor, fiddling with the metal instrument in his hand. He remains silent.

"I didn't become hard through choice, or because of them or anything like that. I'm like this because I have to be…"

"Why?" he interrupts suddenly.

She looks at him sadly. "They tried to treat me like a little girl. It didn't work…I couldn't be her anymore." Tears start to well up in her eyes. "Zoë took me shopping, and brushed my hair, did you ask her that? Wash played games with me, danced round the cargo bay until he went red in the face and couldn't breathe. But I couldn't…I couldn't be that little girl because you weren't there. My stupid big brother walked out and left me so I had to grow up. Simon I had to grow up!"

Simon's lower lip is wobbling alarmingly.

She steps towards him. "Please Simon…"

He reaches a hand out as though to touch her, drops it. "I'm so sorry River."

River stares at his dropped hand. "Don't feel guilty Simon. Good things came of this too."

He stares at her, wide eyed.

"Yes I can read your mind. Not that I couldn't help but hear you right now."

He folds his arms defensively and she sighs.

"That won't work you know. So tell me why Kaylee is sat in the engine room looking like someone broke her heart?"

"What?"

River looks at him. "You are such a boob. She wanted it to be something and you dismissed it out of hand."

Simon has the good grace to look thoroughly ashamed.

"Go talk to her Simon. Tell her that you love her."

His eyes go wide and she smiles at him.

"Go tell her that she's the first thing you think about when you wake up. That you love the way her hair smells. That you think that grease smudge on her nose is cuter than all the make up in the 'verse…"

"Okay okay just shut up alright," Simon interrupts sharply. "Just stop doing that!"

She grins innocently at her and he gives her a look.

"You know I don't remember you being such a brat."

River swats at his arm and he dodges her. He heads for the infirmary door.

"Wait Simon."

He looks round at her.

"Talk to Mal, please?"

He pulls a face but nods before he leaves.

* * *

Simon stops short at the door of the dining room when he catches sight of River and the Captain. He's just come from kissing Kaylee senseless against the engine housing, and now wants to tackle Mal while his bottle still holds. Mal is setting the table, while River chops up some red protein to add to the rice that is bubbling on the stove. Mal seems happy enough that River has a big knife in her hands. He says something softly and she laughs. Simon stays out of sight behind the doorframe.

"Its all rather domestic isn't it?" Zoë's voice says in his ear.

"Yeah," he says softly. "And thank you for what you did for River. I had no idea."

Zoë shrugs. "We tried. She chose this though. She didn't speak to anyone for two weeks when you left except Mal. She didn't say goodbye to Inara. Locked herself in the engine room while Inara cried the other side of the door. Mal tried to explain that she shouldn't take it personally to Inara. River didn't come out for two hours after 'Nara went. Then looked the Captain right in the eyes and said, 'Now you know how it feels,' and gorram smiled at him. Think that broke him just a little too." Zoë looks back at Mal and River. "We didn't realise at first. It just happened Simon, they didn't plan this. They fell into this messed up relationship because…because they make each other just that little bit less messed up."

Simon nods slowly. He gets that.

Zoë smiles. "Never realised Jayne was so puritanical though. He threw a blue fit when he found out. Punched out Mal, picked River up over his shoulder and locked her on the bridge with Wash until she calmed down a little. Told Mal he was a perverted old man and that he was taking advantage of River. Told River she was a stupid naïve little girl who didn't know what she wanted. Nearly got flushed out the airlock but wouldn't back down. Its taken a lot to prove it to Jayne and I doubt Mal thinks it will take less to prove to you that he's serious about her." Zoë gives him a little push. "Go."

Simon takes a deep a breath and steps into the room.

"Hey," he says.

Mal looks up slowly and eyes the doctor waiting for the punch that isn't coming.

"Want a hand?"

River raises an eyebrow. "You can cut this up Simon. I've got to get more rice from the hold."

Mal almost tells her that there is plenty of rice in the storage locker behind her but she nudges him with her elbow and he shuts his mouth. Simon takes the knife and starts cutting the protein up as River leaves the room. The two men continue working in silence for a minute or so.

"Its surprising," Simon says suddenly. "How such different ingredients can come together to make a wonderful meal." He scoops up the protein and dumps it into the pot.

Mal nods, immediately picking up on the subtext. "Sometimes the oddest things do seem to balance each other out."

They both look at each other. Simon can see the apprehension in the older man's eyes then gives him a little smile.

"Treat my mei mei right, or I will hurt you," he says softly, threat lurking behind the words.

Mal grins. "Wouldn't expect any less."

"Can we come in yet?" Wash yells from outside the room. "I'm starving! Either kiss and make up, or punch the good gorram out of each other."

Mal and Simon look at each other.

"You want me to kiss you or punch you?" Mal asks quietly.

"Neither," Simon says wrinkling his nose. "Unless you want protein shoved up your nose."

He flings a piece at Mal who catches it grinning.

"Come in!" he hollers at his crew.

They come spilling into the room. River looks between the two men and smiles widely. Simon drops a kiss on her forehead and she smiles at him and sits down beside Mal. Kaylee takes him hand and grins at him, and he realises that they are home.

* * *

Translation Notes (for whole story) 

Tāmāde húndàn – fking bastard

Pigu – ass

Chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo – animal fking bastard

Ai ya – damn

Dang ran: of course

Bù kê néng! No way!

Hwoon dahn – son of a bitch

Mei mei – little sister

Bao bei – beautiful, precious


End file.
